Embargoed till Monday July 9, 2013 10:00 am
Office of the Governor Press Release July 9, 2013, Austin Texas
Governor Rick Perry’s statement on his political future.
Texas Governor Rick Perry, the longest serving Governor in the history of the state, issued the following statement concerning his political future:
It has been a pleasure serving the people of the great State of Texas. As Governor for over 13 years I have signed incredible, ground breaking legislation. I have reduced frivolous lawsuits against our medical community. I have cut the bloated education budget. I have cut useless socialized programs. I have created a state with little regulation and low taxes for businesses to thrive in. I have accomplished much over the last 13 years, but today, I must move on.
Now my leadership and orator skills are needed elsewhere. After graduating from Texas A&M with a degree in Animal Husbandry, I am inclined to enter the private sector to use these skills to fuck up something else. God has advised me not to run for President or Governor for two very good reasons, Hillary Clinton and Wendy Davis.
The very thought of debating Hillary Clinton sends chills down my spineless spine. I have visions of passing gas during the debate or fainting face first into the podium. It would not be pretty. And Wendy Davis is madder than a wet hen and is ready to put a Texas sized boot so far up my ass that my breath will smell like Desenex for the next decade.
So, as I tremble in fear of the women who will crawl out of their kitchens I will join the ranks of the private sector as soon as someone hires me. Until then, Adios MoFos!
Governor of Texas
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